It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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