my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
