i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
