I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
