It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
