I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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