two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
