Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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