the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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