I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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