Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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