Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
