Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i now understand why vodka
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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