Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
