I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
