Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't turn off my feet"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
