My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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