I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
