come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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