I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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