The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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