Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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