you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
