We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
