Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize