if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
