nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
