I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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