just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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