We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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