so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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