I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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