there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
