are you so shy because you have an std?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
