I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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