Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
