I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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