In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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