Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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