Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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