My first STD was from a foam party
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
