He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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