My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
