someone owes me an orgasm
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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