He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
