So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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