I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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