how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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