if i can run in heels then i can drive
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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