your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
