Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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