it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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