She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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