Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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