I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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