he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
