I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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