whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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