This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
