I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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