billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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