Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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