Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
