This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
